Though I have wrote that it was time to move on, thoughts of Julie still linger on my mind. I have often thought about what would have happened if I had turned around that day near OVT when she yelled if I wanted to get some ice cream with her. What would have happened? Would she and I be a couple? Would we have lasted after graduation? To be absolutely honest with myself, even the greatest optimist inside me would say no, we wouldn't have. I had no intention of moving to Los Angeles, where she lived, and I doubt she would have moved to the Bay Area either. At the time I didn't have a car, a job or money that I could spare, not to mention that I was a passive aggressive idiot. At the time, I couldn't have been the man she desired or deserved. If we had met in our late 20s or early 30s, it might have been different, but at the time it wouldn't have worked out, and as much as it pains me to say it, she made the right choice that night to reject me. I would have made the same choice. It was logical, it was rational, it was the correct decision, and I applaud her for it. I just hope that douchebag she chose is right for her. I just hope she's happy.
Looking back at my old blog and this one, seeing how many times I wrote about Julie, I can see how she would freak out and misinterpret it. Hell, anyone else would say I'm insane and honestly I would too. How can I care and be so upset about a person who I met five and a half years ago, who I only knew for three years, who rejected me two and half years ago? That's because to me, six years ago is merely yesterday. To have such a vivid memory, everything seems like it just happened. I still remember when Julie made stir fry for me when I came over to her dorm. I still remember when I offered her medicine when she had a cold. I still remember when she tapped on my shoulder and asked me in Mandarin about my family and where I was from. Remembering all these events is making me tear up. How can I forget and move on when I can live a lifetime in one second? That day when she yelled if I wanted to get some ice cream with her, that day never ended for me neither did that night when she and I stood and looked at each other for five seconds. It will never end for me, but for her it ended two and a half years ago, but I still don't know why she was snooping on my blog a year and a half ago and it'll probably be never answered. I just hope she lives a good life.
Writing all of this was painful, but on a less depressing note I have recalculated my total income for this tax year. It wasn't $48,000 as I thought, but rather around $53,000. Hilarious, absolutely hilarious. Back at UCSD, I didn't have a car, a job or money, but I could have gotten the girl. Now that I have a car, a job, and money, I'm yearning for a woman who wants nothing to do with me. The universe truly has a fantastic sense of humor.
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