The first work week of the new year has ended and things are shaping up pretty badly. "Work" has trickle down to nothing. Sitting there for eight hours doing nothing but surfing the internet is simply mind numbing, as ridiculous as that sounds. Though at $25/hr, I really shouldn't be complaining. I can't believe I actually want to work, it makes the day go by faster so I get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. Before the year ended I wrote that I probably jinxed 2015 and, well, I was right. During the first work day of this year, my supervisor came by my cubicle to say happy new year. When I immediately turned to look at her, she immediately averted eye contact and stood frozen for about a second but saying happy new year. Another worker would look towards the ground when she sees me before saying hello. This was after one of my robotic-like trance when I walked past her several weeks ago. Shit, my INTJ vibe is starting to leak out again, and my "mask" is wearing off. Welp, my chances at making this turn into a career at that company just went to null.
Despite my interactions with the employees crashing and burning, my interactions with the other intern in my group has been stellar. It's weird that she and I would get along so well. The computers of all employees were set up with an internal instant messaging system similar to AIM, and when she and I would were bored, we would simply talk to each other. She and I have made each other laugh multiple times. It's strange that I'm a lot more outgoing around her, I think it's due to the fact that we converse on the instant messaging program. Even though she is only 20 feet away from me and that she visits my cubicle from time to time, I don't really feel any nervousness when talking to her in person. Several years ago, I noticed that I'm a lot more outgoing outline than I am in person. At the time, I thought it was the anonymity on a website that made me more outgoing, but after interacting with the other intern for the last few months makes me question that. Several posts ago, I wrote that maybe I'm so comfortable around her is because she's like the little sister I never had. The only other person I have ever described as a little sister was Katherine...Thankfully I'm keeping my emotions in check, and the physical distance ensures there is no further interpersonal development.
It's pretty funny thinking that the other intern is like a little sister and drawing parallels with Katherine. Several years ago in my previous blog, I came to the realization that there are constant cycles that keep repeating in my life. What is happening now might be the beginning of the next one. After graduating high school, I went to CCSF and saw a bunch of people from my high school. After graduating UCSD, I went to CCSF and again saw a bunch of people from my high school. At the end of my first time at CCSF, I volunteered at a hospital for one year and met Katherine. Now I'm doing an internship after CCSF and met the other intern. What will be next after this internship? Will there be another "UCSD" where I spend the next three years of my life? Or am I doomed to repeat this until the day I die?
I could have broken the cycle with Julie, but in stupidity destroyed that chance. Hopefully I'll change that.
Note to self: Break the next cycle.
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