Accepted, Emotionally Shallow

I found out I got accepted into San Jose State University's masters of computer science program.  I didn't realize I would be accepted so easily into both SF and SJ State's CS program.  Still, I'm going to apply to various accounting masters program just in case.

I've been thinking back about the time I spent at UCSD, and how I tried to become more "normal", more "human".  Even though I was successful in becoming more outgoing and being able to abide by acceptable social etiquette, I still lack the emotional component.  When I was younger, I taught myself how to suppress my own emotions because of the constant sadness and pain I felt.  Over time, my emotions became so suppressed, I lost touch with it.  Sympathy, empathy, compassion, all became foreign to me.  I tried so hard to "reactivate" my emotions, but I just couldn't do it.  Even now, I'm still at a lost at what to feel sometimes.  I can emulate emotions for most situations, but sometimes people can sense that it's fake.  I can fool others, but I can't fool myself.  It's that emotional component that I'm striving for because without that emotional connection, there can't be any relationship.