Sunday, July 28, 2013

Devourer

Several years ago I started watching the show Dexter and found myself relating more and more to him.  Aside from his whole murdering people left and right thing, I found myself to be very similar to him.  Like him, I can't relate to others easily and I can't understand how others feel.  I try time and time again to create this mask that I can hide behind so that I can blend in with others around me.  At one point I even thought I was an undiagnosed sociopath or psychopath, but after a series of questions with my UCSD psychologist, it pretty much shot that idea down.

I recently caught up to last week's episode and I once again found myself relating to him.  He realized that he is a consumer, he consumes and destroys everyone and every relationship around him.  I am the same.  I'm a devourer and I end up destroying every relationship and every person around me.  In the past three to four years, I can count on one hand the amount of close relations I had that didn't crash and burn.  I hope I can stop this.  I hope I can maintain decent relationships in the future.

Note to self:  Maintain good relations with everyone.

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