Another Year, Countdown

Half an hour till midnight and it will be the end of this year.  This year has been alright, I finished up my IT internship on a high note and am now immediately moving onto working full time at the tech company.  Despite my initial reluctance to accept such a position, and the lack of desire from the employees there to interact with me, I am okay at being there.  They leave me alone, they give me work to do, I get it done, and then I go home.  I'm fine with that.  Hopefully there won't be a massive shit storm heading my way in 2015.  (I probably just jinxed it.)

Though this year was okay for me personally, it wasn't very swell for the rest of the world.  Multiple high profile plane crashes left hundreds dead or missing.  Apparently the Cold War is back with Russia and the West dick waving at each other.  Jihadists in the Middle East have killed tens of thousands, and apparently, the U.S. just declared an oil war against the Saudis this morning for dicking around with oil prices.  And of course, there's the increasing levels of automation that I have been worried about for some time now.  2015 isn't off to a good start.  2015 won't be a good start for me either.  Several years ago when I was back at UCSD, I made a promise to myself to self-terminate if I'm not married by the time I'm 35.  I intend to keep that promise.  I don't see the purpose of life if my misery and loneliness continues on after that point.  When midnight comes, I will have eight years remaining before self-termination.  It's all or nothing.

Maybe I should have sent Julie a message when she was snooping around on my blog.

Note to self:  Have a better year.  Accomplish something, anything.

Here Today Gone Tomorrow

Today was the last day at my IT internship.  Afterwards it's full time at the tech company.  I thought I would have make up some bs excuse to my supervisor at my large tech company about why I couldn't come in at certain days even though school is done, but they really don't care about it so that's a load off my back.  After sending my two weeks notice, my IT supervisor didn't seem really pleased or happy or anything for that matter.  I don't really blame her, my behavior around her, while not anti-social, wasn't exactly cheerful or outgoing.  During the three months working at the the IT internship, I came to dread going there to work.  The environment was nice, the people were nice, but something about getting close to others made me feel the need to push away.  It's the same feeling I had when I was at UCSD.  Whenever I got close to others, I would have to urge to push them away.  It's that fear of being emotionally close to another person.  It's still something I need to work on.

Saying goodbye to them was difficult.  It wasn't due to emotions or anything like that, it was due to not knowing what to say.  I didn't screw up that badly, but it still could have been better.  Despite the screw up at the end, I felt that I did well interacting with them.

My interactions at the tech company have been neutral at best.  My supervisor is nice though most of the time is concentrated on her own stuff.  Strangely, I'm getting along quite well with the other intern that is my group.  I managed to make her laugh several times and I'm more outgoing than usual around her.  I don't know why though, maybe I see her as the little sister I never had.  Other than the other intern and my supervisor, other people don't really care to interact with me.  The feeling's mutual.

One annoying thing that has happened is that my INTJ vibe might have leaked out and spooked some of them.  Everyday I go there, I put on a "happy" mask that makes me seem normal, but every now and then, my true self comes out.  I think I might have freaked out some small Asian woman.  Every time she sees me, she would take a step back and be hesitant around me.  I think another worker might have felt the same way.  Even worst, I think my supervisor's supervisor felt it as well.  His demeanor towards me has changed over the past few weeks, going from outgoing to more hesitant around me.  I think it's best for me to just stick to my cubicle.

One Month In, Mr. Lucky

It's been one month since I started at the large tech company.  It's a pain in the ass.  Waking up at six in the morning with an hour and a half long commute back and forth.  Absolutely tiring, I don't understand how people would consider this living.  After four weeks, I have done absolutely nothing.  The little tasks they have given me were basic and easily accomplished within an hour or so, otherwise, it's back to redditing.

They have currently set me up in a leftover cubicle that was supposed to be temporary, but later became permanent.  I don't really mind since it's quite decent sized and the group I'm assigned to is all packed into one small room.  My social interactions with the group, which consists of four people, have been mediocre at best.  I got a feeling that they don't really want me there, but the feeling is mutual.  The only person I am interacting well with is another intern that is also in my group.  It's weird really, for reason I'm very outgoing with her, and we get along quite well.  Interacting with her make things bearable while working 8 hours per day.

Working at this internship has many downsides, the greatest of all is driving home at night.  I don't know what's up with other people, but a lot of drivers have their damn high beams on at night, and it's absolutely blinding.  Changing lanes is a test of patience and nerves.  Even worst is that for some reason my stupid brain keeps zoning out while driving.  I have almost gotten into several accidents because it.  Maybe I have a medical condition or something, I need to get it checked out.  The only reason I'm still alive and in one piece is because I was lucky, but I fear my luck may run out someday.