My psychological reprogramming is starting to slip up. Even around my family, I'm starting to slip up socially. It's becoming more and more hopeless. I keep looking at at my life, wondering where it's going, but it's looks more and more like I'm going nowhere.
When I was 16 years old, I analyzed what my future was going be like. Using variables such as personality, wealth, occupation, physique, etc. I found that I was most likely going to end up alone for the rest of my life. I broke down and cried afterwards. Ever since then, I've been fighting nonstop to better myself, but over the years it's becoming more and more difficult. I've become more and more detached from the rest of the world to the point where even a simple conversation with another person is difficult. Hell, not just simple conversations, even something as basic as knowing when to smile and when to laugh have become alien to me. I wish I wasn't such a social fuck up.
I must keep socializing, I must keep pushing forward.
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