I'm haunted by my past. Throughout the last three years when I was at UCSD, I screwed up so many times socially, I simply can't forget it. It's eating away at me, knowing that I screwed up and could have done better at the time. One event that I can't forget is one of my interactions with this girl named Racquel.
Racquel and I met during the 2011 summer quarter. Both of us lived in same building and after bumping into each other several times, we started talking a bit. She was extremely nice to me, but like most relations, I managed to screw it up causing it to crash and burn. When I was at the village market, getting ready to go home for winter break, I bumped into Racquel. She wished me a safe trip home. I nodded and immediately went to get a soda. When I looked back up at her, she looked upset and said goodbye and left. I said goodbye to her too and though confused, thought nothing of it.
I saw her again the next quarter and waved to her, and tried to speak to her. She waved back and only answered one question and immediately left. I thought it was odd and went on my way. I never saw her again after that. I didn't realize I made her upset until one of my self-reflections about a month later. Ever since then I've been wracked with guilt over making her upset. My mind keeps replaying that event over and over again, and I keep saying "I'm sorry Racquel" hoping that it would ease my conscience somehow. It won't, it never will. I wish I could see her again and to apologize to her, explaining that I never meant to make her upset. I wish I didn't screw up so bad.
Where ever you are Racquel, I'm sorry.
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