For the last month or so I have regressed in my social development. After the disastrous interviews I had over the summer, I began to notice that I have fallen back bit by bit until I'm a virtual mute. When I was at a store, I held the elevator open for some guy and he thanks. I tried saying sure, but nothing came out. When someone jokingly said to me "nice car" since he and I had the same model, I looked at him blankly, tried to respond, but nothing came out. Why does this happen? Why won't my psychological training stay? Over and over again, I have to deal with this, relearning everything again. Looks like my brain is not as adaptive as I hoped or thought it would be.
This is my first week at San Jose State University. It's a pretty weird place. Parts of it were as nice as UCSD while other parts were barely better than community colleges. It's absolutely packed with people and classroom I was in reminded me of Ledden auditorium at UCSD. Despite the heat, it's a decent place. During my first day there, I overheard some guy say he's 33 and he's trying to get a masters degree. It's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone in my position. Even then, it's kind of discouraging to know that I might end up still in school at that age. Reading through sites like reddit doesn't help either. One guy posted that he feels stuck in his 30s and might never have anything to show for it.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2dzf6y/what_fact_scares_the_shit_out_of_you/cjurnxk
On another note, for some reason I keep thinking about my former T.A. Stephanie Fried. Thinking back, I swear that she was attracted to me. During my last year at UCSD, she kept smiling at me when she bumped into me. One time when I pretended to look at my phone instead of saying hello, she became really upset, far more than one would expect. I seldom think women are attracted to me without lots of evidence, but thinking about what took place is making me question if there was anything to it. She's absolutely brilliant and attractive, and I would be lucky to be with someone like her.
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