I finally got an internship. After signing a whole bunch of papers, I was officially hired and I'm going to start next Monday. Finally. I can't believe that I got it, I spent an entire summer applying for accounting internships with only a few responding, but ended up bombing every interview. I apply for one IT internship and immediately got the job. I chose the wrong fucking major when I applied to UCSD several years ago. Even though I'm elated, I still got the feeling that they hired me because they had no choice. They stated that only a handful applied for the position and that I was the first to be interviewed or something like that. Though I preferred to be hired based on merit, I guess I should consider myself lucky. Downside of this was that I had to cancel two other interviews. I was suppose to interview for a government research analyst position, which would have put my economics degree to work, and another accounting internship. I doubt I would have been hired for those, but I still wonder if I made a mistake.
Though my professional development is back on track, I can't say the same for my social development. As noted in my previous posts, all my bad little habits that I have tried to get rid of throughout my time at UCSD is coming back. I don't think I'll ever be able to fix myself no matter how hard I try. Even if I do, I don't think I can ever truly integrate myself back into society.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Regression, Stephanie Fried, Being Stuck At 30
For the last month or so I have regressed in my social development. After the disastrous interviews I had over the summer, I began to notice that I have fallen back bit by bit until I'm a virtual mute. When I was at a store, I held the elevator open for some guy and he thanks. I tried saying sure, but nothing came out. When someone jokingly said to me "nice car" since he and I had the same model, I looked at him blankly, tried to respond, but nothing came out. Why does this happen? Why won't my psychological training stay? Over and over again, I have to deal with this, relearning everything again. Looks like my brain is not as adaptive as I hoped or thought it would be.
This is my first week at San Jose State University. It's a pretty weird place. Parts of it were as nice as UCSD while other parts were barely better than community colleges. It's absolutely packed with people and classroom I was in reminded me of Ledden auditorium at UCSD. Despite the heat, it's a decent place. During my first day there, I overheard some guy say he's 33 and he's trying to get a masters degree. It's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone in my position. Even then, it's kind of discouraging to know that I might end up still in school at that age. Reading through sites like reddit doesn't help either. One guy posted that he feels stuck in his 30s and might never have anything to show for it.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2dzf6y/what_fact_scares_the_shit_out_of_you/cjurnxk
On another note, for some reason I keep thinking about my former T.A. Stephanie Fried. Thinking back, I swear that she was attracted to me. During my last year at UCSD, she kept smiling at me when she bumped into me. One time when I pretended to look at my phone instead of saying hello, she became really upset, far more than one would expect. I seldom think women are attracted to me without lots of evidence, but thinking about what took place is making me question if there was anything to it. She's absolutely brilliant and attractive, and I would be lucky to be with someone like her.
This is my first week at San Jose State University. It's a pretty weird place. Parts of it were as nice as UCSD while other parts were barely better than community colleges. It's absolutely packed with people and classroom I was in reminded me of Ledden auditorium at UCSD. Despite the heat, it's a decent place. During my first day there, I overheard some guy say he's 33 and he's trying to get a masters degree. It's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone in my position. Even then, it's kind of discouraging to know that I might end up still in school at that age. Reading through sites like reddit doesn't help either. One guy posted that he feels stuck in his 30s and might never have anything to show for it.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2dzf6y/what_fact_scares_the_shit_out_of_you/cjurnxk
On another note, for some reason I keep thinking about my former T.A. Stephanie Fried. Thinking back, I swear that she was attracted to me. During my last year at UCSD, she kept smiling at me when she bumped into me. One time when I pretended to look at my phone instead of saying hello, she became really upset, far more than one would expect. I seldom think women are attracted to me without lots of evidence, but thinking about what took place is making me question if there was anything to it. She's absolutely brilliant and attractive, and I would be lucky to be with someone like her.
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