Things are going smoothly, well as smoothly as things could be for me. It's been three weeks since I started at my accounting masters program and we already did one quiz. I'm starting to prepare my resume and cover letters to apply for internships in the spring and summer, and I hope I'll get one. Though my professional life is going along well, my social/personal life is at absolute stand still. I didn't mention it before, but I fucked things up Wendy. She thought I ignored her call on Skype and now she seldom contacts me. I have pretty much pushed everyone I ever cared about or cared about me away. I really should have never contacted her back when I was at UCSD. I'm sorry Wendy.
Having had some time to look back on my life, I realized that I have never really trusted anyone. My relationships with others have always been lacking not just because I don't keep up in contact with them, but also because I don't really trust anyone. I never give out more information than needed and I'm constantly on edge around everyone. Even among close acquaintances, I'm always monitoring, analyzing and planning on what I should do if they screw me over. Can I ever really trust anyone? Every time I try, I would get screwed over and I would end up at step one again. I guess this is something I should work on.
Note to self: Trust others more.
I don't know your history with Wendy but don't you think that perhaps she's just busy?
ReplyDeleteHonestly, and I'm saying this inoffensively, you seem to attribute things in a cause and effect way. It's a pattern I've noticed. That your action of ignoring someone --- intentional or not --- causes people to get upset enough to never talk to you again. It's too strong of a causal relationship. In essence, people really don't care that much unless there is some deep emotional bond underneath.
You do read cues but for the most part I think they're memorized, i.e. if you see a certain type of body language cue x ----> must be y. It takes empathy to know what a person is thinking or feeling; you need to relate to them and understand what it is they're experiencing on all accounts to really know (as much as possible that is).
How do I know? Because I do it :) body language only tells so much. When you start understanding them, you get the full picture. People always think I'm psychoanalyzing ... I just think about what it's like if I were in their shoes. But then again, I'm an INFJ, I'm all about it.
I just started the masters program at SDSU. My program is solid but I can't believe what a drastic change it is from UCSD! Things I took for granted. For instance, degree audits! So easy to look at your classes and what you need online. For the program here, we have to file our program of study ON paper! So inefficient. But honestly the only reason I didn't apply to SJSU was because their website was unorganized, incorrect, inasscessible at times, and just a mess. I didn't want to go to a program that gave me trouble on that basic level. I can't believe that at the graduate level, you're unable to register for the classes you need. Our cohort size is roughly 30 and there's more than enough space for ANYONE who wants to take a certain class and that's how it should be.
Best of luck to you!
Hi Pearl,
DeleteCongrats on being accepted into the masters program at SDSU! Wow, I can't believe they are using paper to do all that. It's more secure that way I guess. Seems like UCSD is light years ahead of all the state universities.
Yeah, SJSU is a mess. I tried finding something on the computer science department's website and wasn't able to locate it even by using its search function. I only found what I needed by using google. When I was trying to sort out the class registration mess, different departments kept giving me different and contradicting answers. Also, apparently I wasn't the only person who was having trouble registering for classes. The other conditional admit students were having problems too, but unfortunately for me, my schedule prevented any room to maneuver.
In regards to Wendy, my gut instinct pretty much tells me I made her upset. I wished her a happy new year around Dec 31st last year through facebook. She saw the message but never responded. I also sent her a message wishing her luck with something, and again she never responded. It was only later on that she contacted me again and we talked a bit. She doesn't contact me as much as she used to. I really should have stayed away from her.
I agree with you that it takes empathy to understand a person, but I think INTJs' analytical ability compensates for their lower empathy. It's like how people say a person's hearing or sense of smell increases if they lose their sight. I don't genuinely understand how they feel, but I understand why they do what they do. I do analyze people based on memorized patterns, but I always take context of the moment into account.
Congrats again, and good luck in your masters program!
As an INFJ, I go through a similar process too. But with the influence of my INTP husband, I've learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's probably not you, and most of the time it's an external thing that's causing them to react/act a certain way. Acknowledge the unknown factor and that we can't know everything that's in their heads. While we should still improve our social skills, the unknown factor should be enough to allow us to not kick ourselves in the butt every time we think we've messed up.
DeleteMy dad tends to have similar destructive thought patterns, and as a result of years of this, he's become very paranoid of everyone around him. Little, annoying things that neighbors do are interpreted as acts of passive-aggressive hostility/rejection. I have to tell him, no. not everyone is as thoughtful as you. And some people are just clueless about the meanings of their actions.
Sometimes I feel as if my thought patterns were influenced by him, because when a certain kid wouldn't play with me on a certain day, he'd start analyzing and would attribute the rejection to them not liking me as a person, or because I'm Chinese, or whatever. I learned to take things very personally even when I shouldn't.
I ignore Skype calls all the time, and it's not because I don't like the people involved - I just really don't like talking on the phone. Nothing personal at all. I send them an IM later asking what they needed, how are you, etc.