Communications Workshop, Overstaying My Welcome

My accounting graduate program is going okay for the most part, but one of the requirements is becoming more and more annoying.  A part of the requirements for my graduate program at SFSU are four workshops that all new students have to take.  Personally, I found them to be a waste of time.  One to two hours on a Saturday with a speaker going on and on about your career etc.  The latest one was this Saturday about communications. The guy spoke about body language, behavior, facial expressions and how they affect your relationships with others.  Kind of amusing that the school had to hire some consultant with a masters degree to teach me things I have been learning for the last three years.  The guy didn't go in depth on any particular thing and we actually had to get into groups to plan a presentation for the next workshop.  Should have snucked out like what a few others did.

On another note, I'm not sure what is going at my "job" at CCSF.  While it is pretty boring, I keep getting strange vibes from the staff there.  Something about their body language or the way they react around me keeps telling me that they don't want me there. It's most likely my paranoia, but many times my paranoia have proven to be correct.  There were several times where my social etiquette was not up to par when interacting with some of them.  Could that be it?  Maybe I shouldn't be so dismissive of the communications workshop.  Whatever it is, I'll try to limit contact with the staff.

Trust

Things are going smoothly, well as smoothly as things could be for me.  It's been three weeks since I started at my accounting masters program and we already did one quiz.  I'm starting to prepare my resume and cover letters to apply for internships in the spring and summer, and I hope I'll get one.  Though my professional life is going along well, my social/personal life is at absolute stand still.  I didn't mention it before, but I fucked things up Wendy.  She thought I ignored her call on Skype and now she seldom contacts me.  I have pretty much pushed everyone I ever cared about or cared about me away.  I really should have never contacted her back when I was at UCSD.  I'm sorry Wendy.

Having had some time to look back on my life, I realized that I have never really trusted anyone.  My relationships with others have always been lacking not just because I don't keep up in contact with them, but also because I don't really trust anyone.  I never give out more information than needed and I'm constantly on edge around everyone.  Even among close acquaintances, I'm always monitoring, analyzing and planning on what I should do if they screw me over.  Can I ever really trust anyone?  Every time I try, I would get screwed over and I would end up at step one again.  I guess this is something I should work on.

Note to self:  Trust others more.

Stonewalled, Socializing More

It's been two weeks since grad school started and I'm pretty much stuck in limbo.  I kept trying to add courses at SJSU, but one after another, the professors say the class is full and there's people on the waitlist.  Right now, I contacted the dean of the graduate studies asking what to do since no one else does, not even my graduate advisor or the CS coordinator.  I swear SJSU is a god damn mess.  Thankfully, I wasn't in a rush to drop the M.S in accounting program and I already went there for two classes so it looks like I'll be doing accounting from here on out.   Hopefully I'll get an accounting internship for the summer.  Maybe I'll reapply for computer science grad school again someday.

On another note, I've been getting along well with my student co-workers at my job.  I have been socializing more and aren't hesitant about helping and conversing with others.  Good I guess.  Also, I saw another two people who I met when I was in high school.  I'm not sure whether seeing so many old faces is a sign of relief or a sign of worry.  Relief being that I'm not the only one in the position I'm in, and worry being that the economy is far worse than I feared and is forcing people to go back to school.