I Need To Get Out Of Here

I need to get out of here.  I need to get away from my house.  My applications to grad school is currently reviewed.  I hope I get into one because being in my house is driving me insane.  I need to get away.

Fear Of Being Close To Another

Throughout the last three years, I've been working to become more outgoing and to get closer to women.  I've always suffered from social anxiety and because of it, I simply can't get close to people.  When I was at UCSD, I had so many chances at a relationship but never took the chance because I was so afraid.  One girl after another, each one absolutely stunning and beautiful, who were interested in me, left because they thought I wasn't interested in them.  I was but I was too much of a coward to express it.  Sigh.

One of those girls was Julia Popova.  Blonde, 5 foot 2, econ major, accounting minor, and Delta Gamma sorority.  She was absolutely stunning and I had no idea why she was attracted to me.  She kept trying to get my attention but due to a communications mishap I thought she hated my guts, but later on realized she was attracted to me.  I thought she and I had nothing in common, until one week during the winter 2011 quarter, that we both found out that we both majored in econ and minored in accounting.  I tried to ask her out on Valentine's day, I even bought her a card and a teddy bear, but I fucked up again and couldn't do it.  I wish I did.  She pretty much hated my guts after that.  Sigh, I hate my life.  I really need to get rid of this anxiety, otherwise a chance with someone as stunning as Julia will pass by again.

Note to self:  Don't let another Julia go by again.

Applications

I've been sending one application after another to various grad schools.  Hopefully I'll get accepted.  The thought of being stuck with only an economics degree with no job prospects is absolutely frightening.  The economy is getting worse and bachelors degrees are no longer considered special.  I have to get a masters or otherwise I'll be stuck.