It's been six years since I graduated from UCSD, and it's been 3 years since I last posted. I doubt I'll write again after this.
I'm still at the tech company I interned at back in 2015. For some weird reason, I was made a permanent employee. It's ironic, I didn't want the job and wanted to go back to school, but I got it while every intern and contractor desperately wants to become permanent, but are forced to leave. It's like some sick twisted joke by the universe.
In the past three years at the company, I've met and worked with a lot of the interns and contractors. All of them have left and I quite frankly I can't remember most of them, but there was one girl I couldn't forget. Her name was Jacqueline Wu. She was extremely beautiful, as in super model level beautiful. Back in early 2015, I started noticing that she would turn to look at me every time I walked past her. She would even stare at me even when she's talking to someone. In late 2015, during the office Halloween party, she was flirty, trying to get my attention. However, being the idiot that I am, I pretended not to notice as she tried to get my attention when we walked past each other in the hallway because I thought she was still dating her coworker. Huge mistake. It turns out she broke up with him after only dating him several months. I only realized she broke up with him during her last day at the company during her goodbye party. I connected with her on Linkedin afterwards, and tried connecting with her on Facebook, but she never added me. It was too late to fix it. I screwed myself over once again. It's been two years since she left the company.
My screw up with Jacqueline made think of all the little lessons I had to learn over the years. Looking back at all the note self's in throughout my blog, it seems I had forgotten everything I learned during my time at UCSD and afterwards. I need to remind myself again of what to do and what not to do. Hopefully I can change. Hopefully it'll stick.
Jacqueline, wherever you are, I'm sorry. I should have said hello to you back then. I wish I could go back in time and change things.
Note to self: Never assume. Don't believe you're not good enough. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to have a girlfriend, you want to have a girlfriend. Don't let bad experience with one person affect interaction with another. No scorch earth, no collateral damage. Smile more.
